I’ve been writing this blog for almost two years and I’ve always been honest and genuine regarding how I feel … albeit usually about culture, the church, books or other people. And, on occasion, I suppose I’ve been at least somewhat transparent about what’s going on in my own life, too.
But, my main squeeze recently brought it to my attention that, over the last several months, it’s been more and more of the former … and less and less of the latter.
And after going back through the archives, she’s right. I’ve gotten away from what I’m passionate about, what I know to be enormously important, what I harp on and poke and prod others about – transparency … honesty … sharing.
I’ve gotten, it seems … a little preachy.
What I’ve been writing is commentary, for the most part. On, as I said earlier, the church, other people or culture in general.
And, I’ve gotta change that. It’s just such an easy trap to fall into … keeping the conversation/attention on other things or people and away from myself. And, it keeps me from having to be too introspective. From having to examine my own life and maybe sometimes be a bit critical or call for change.
The other trap I’ve fallen into is – in those instances when I have been observant and present and honest with myself – in feeling as though every post has to be some sort of earth-shattering moral platitude. Clever. Well-written. Linked, tagged, proselytized and search-engine optimized. Perfect. Something I’d be really proud of (hey, look … shocker, right? Pride, getting in the way?). I’m too proud alot of the time to post something that’s not my best work … that doesn’t prove how smart I am … how insightful or sensitive or creative. So, alot of times – and especially if there’s no “so, the moral of the story is…” to wrap it up with – I just don’t write.
And that’s wrong.
This blog was never meant to be a place others came to be “taught” anything. How arrogant is that, anyway? To assume that every time you post something, you’re going to “enlighten” someone?
It was meant to be a collection of observations and insights into my OWN life. Something that some day, our boys could read … something that may help ’em understand their old man a little bit … illuminate their paths, if you will. Something that would require me to be more observant … more present in my own life. More honest with myself, my friends and my family. Something that would require me to stay engaged.
And, like I said … I’ve gotten away from that.
Funny thing is, I’ve never had a problem sharing my troubles or my past over a cup of coffee. I’ve just never written about them here. So, maybe it’s time to get into some of that. It’s messy and it’s complicated, sure. Whose life/past isn’t? But, it’s my story. And, it’ll help you (and ME) understand why I am who I am … how God has used babies and layoffs and depression and bankruptcy and foreclosure and cancer and prison cells to shape me into who I am.
So, if you’ll oblige me … I think it’s about time I get started telling a little
more personal story.
That I start asking more questions.
That I get to know more of you.
That this blog becomes what it was created to be: a place to reflect … to spend time with other men who share similar interests and struggles … to lift each other up … to hold each other accountable … to fish – for fellowship and resources and answers and truth.
So … fishin’ trip. Next week.
NOTE: new site goes active on Wednesday, Sept. 8.